Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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