are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
