She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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