Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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