his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
