these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
