wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
