Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
