if you like me you must not know who I am
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
