I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
