you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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