when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
