let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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