Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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