your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
