i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
