She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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