I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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