Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
