Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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