I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You ruined the universe
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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