he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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