I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
