...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
