what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
