guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
