I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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