It's like God shit irony all over that family
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
