All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Also, beer. Big fan.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I am naked and annoyed.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
