and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I have fence marks all over my body
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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