Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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