I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
