Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
This baby is an asshole
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
