Whod you bang
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Farmville is her only friend.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
