Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
