I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
