I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
