there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
