i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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