My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
