Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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