I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
