Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
