He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
