Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
