Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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