That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
