and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
