Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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