i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
