so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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