so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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