i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
