she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
