I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
