Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
